Another month gone, and only 2 months before finals. That's pretty damn scary. I told myself I wouldn't fail anything this year, and I want to keep that promise to myself. I think those 9 weeks in Rotorua gave me a lot of self-reflection time to think about my life and what's important to me in this world. I realise that up til now I've really been skimming the surface of medicine and not truly engaging in it as well as I should have been. My lack of knowledge during many of my clinical attachments supports this. If only I took things a little more seriously maybe I wouldn't have to feel like this. But the past can't be changed, as I keep telling myself indefinitely. I did have a lot of fun earlier on this year, though. Hanging with kuroi_rose and the anime club, playing mtg and starcraft with the engineering group, and of course, cruising around Auckland with Pochama, Kurosei and Mikorikawa...I do miss doing all those things. *sigh*, priorities.
That isn't to say I haven't been having any fun lately, although 2 weeks of campus learning was a bit of a drag, I must say. I had my 21st birthday gathering last Friday which was a great night. It was really good seeing everybody after being away in Rotorua for so long, and made me appreciate what awesome people I have in my life. Although it was a pretty tiring night for me. At least all 25 people managed to fit in my apartment. It was also the first time since Mikorikawa and I were introduced to everyone as a couple. It was a new experience, being together in front of so many people. We also attended ice-skating yesterday together with friends. Going out with friends feels different now that I have Mikorikawa. I guess a lot of my attention is focused on her whereas before I'd go out of my way more to catch up with everyone else. Especially since she doesn't know many of my friends. It's sorta the same when I hang out with her friends, too, I feel. I don't want to distance myself from my friends just because I'm dating now, but sometimes I can't help it. I guess its one of those challenges that comes with being in a relationship.
At the moment I only have two things on my mind: study and spending time with Mikorikawa. Everything else seems unimportant. It's ridiculous to have such a one-tracked mind (or should I say, two-tracked) but I can't help but feel this way. I even feel like I'm wasting time writing this blog but I've been feeling so tired today from consecutive nights of poor sleep that nothing's going in. I don't know why but for some reason I've been getting real lousy sleep these past nights since coming back from Rotorua. Perhaps I should invest in some sleeping medications. It's getting to the point that entire days are going by with me feeling like rubbish throughout whereas usually I just lose the morning if I don't sleep well. Even taking a 2 hour nap didn't help. So annoying, having poor sleep ruin your day. Wish I could sleep like I could before. Enough ranting, I should probably stop wasting time and get on with something productive now.
Mikorikawa and I <3
