lunar.soliloquy

Well it feels like years since my last post. I wonder how long I'm going to be able to keep up this blogging before I get lazy again. I guess I start blogging when I start having too much time on my hands. Even though I've been on break for over 2 months (yay for uni holidays) I seem to have been able to keep myself busy with something. Well, time to get back into it! You'll see that I've given my blog a little clean-up so it looks more visually appealing (well to me anyway). I've changed the title to something a little more meaningful too, heh. I guess I get bored of things too quickly these days.

There's so much to catch up with on here I don't know where to start! Well first things first. I passed all my 5th year exams! Woohoo, bring on Trainee Intern year (and the money, $_$)! I start on Monday in Rotorua Hospital. Kind of nervous too, I guess. Being that one step above a medical student, harbouring that extra responsibility and all that. I worry about being able to contribute to the medical team and not being a burden like I'm used to being. Especially after all those weeks of holiday I'd convinced myself I'd earned. Even though I've been trying to do some study these last few days I still feel like I'm scraping the surface of the endless volume of information I should know after 5 years of medical school. What's worse is that we might have to sing a Waiata (Maori song) on orientation day. Someone save me.

On another note, interning in Rotorua means that I get to freeload off my parents for a WHOLE YEAR (for those of you who don't know, I spent my intermediate and high school years in Rotorua, and my parents never moved since i went to uni)! Hooray. I know for most Aucklanders this is probably just a given for most of their university life but it isn't for me. It's nice to not have to worry about chores, grocery shopping and cooking every single day. Sure, there'll be time that I'll have to do the odd dishes, vacuuming or gardening around the place but that's nothing compared to living away in an apartment. And all the money I'll save. One the downside I won't be able to see little mikorikawa as much. I'm sure both of us will be having a busy year anyway. I guess there's always skype and other communication modalities ot keep in touch.

So what have I been spending the past 2 months doing? Well for starters I've been doing a bit of random gaming. I finished Kingdom Hearts, Halo and Halo 2. Old games, I know. Just felt like playing other than the ol' Starcraft 2. I bought a month of RuneScape membership for lols. Gosh that game has changed. Trying to monetize everything now. Used to be such a good game, now its just like the rest of them, although it does hold a bit of nostalgia for me . I got pretty bored over the holiday. Mikorikawa had a log going on at that time so didn't get to spend much quality time with her. Ah well, that's life. Can't have everything I guess (but doesn't hurt to try).

  

Sword Art Online!

Accel World!

Lab med essay done. Ethics case is the next target. Getting another assignment soon. Need to study for short cases and exams. Life is good.

Tired of study and wanting escape. But my conscience has chained me to my desk and won't let go. No, I've come too far to let go. Stupid MCQ test that's "formative" but which you "must pass in order to complete the run". I hate being controlled by the heartless and sadistic people who run the medical programme. They should go to hell for what they put us through. Every single one of them. Just because they know that medicine is a highly sought degree doesn't mean that they can give us last minute timetables (or even timetables scheduled for dates that have already gone) and stapled scrap paper for notes and all the other shit they put us through just because they have the power. No wonder all the med students are flocking overseas. I don't blame them. Anyway that's enough rage for one night. Back to the books. I just needed to let off some steam.

Edit: This fucking urology book is full of bloody grammar errors too. Fuck you med school. We're not even worthy of a simple MS Word spellcheck, are we?

It's 6:50pm and feeling pretty darn tired. Been on the otolaryngology scene from 7:30am to 4:45pm and feeling too tired to study, yet determined to stay away from the Diablo 3 and other time-wasting activities tonight. So here I am on Blogger again. I don't think that blogging is a particularly good use of my time but I somehow feel that it's more productive than levelling up my Demon Hunter to level 60. To be honest I'm feeling quite indifferent to life at this very moment. Apathy, I think they call it. Probably just because I'm tired and need rest. I doubt that this feeling (or rather, lack thereof) will last, since I've had it before and it usually doesn't hang around for long. Just this lack of interest in anything at this very moment. Perhaps it's since I'm feeling the pressure of exams creep up on me and its a protective mechanism for me not to start stressing, since that's what I used to do. It really isn't such a bad feeling, apathy. I think I mentioned something similar to it in my last blog post.

So what's there to blog about tonight. Hmm. I guess I could share some photos.

Fat and sugar content of common foods taken from the diabetes dietician's office. *likes*

Troll rubbish bin @ Albert park.

Skin prick testing for fun. Apparently I'm allergic to dust mites, grass pollen and cat. Yay for atopy.

Taken today at the ORL tearoom. It's pretty empty.

Well that's about it for today. I should take more photos of stuff like a true Asian so I've got actually got stuff to post on this dry empty blog.

~Stand a little taller~~Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone~
Yay for Kelly Clarkson ^^ I find her songs really inspiring.
2 weeks have passed since my last post. Certainly doesn't feel that way at all. I can't believe O & G is over already, I feel as I had just began to get a grip on things it's finished. If only I picked things up faster, heh. I always feel like it takes a long time for me to get used to one thing, hence my dislike for change. But if it's a change for the better, or to advance fields of understanding or knowledge then it's definitely worth it. I just wish I could adapt faster and enjoy things more although I do seem to be getting better at it since entering med school. Med has certainly changed the way I think about things, and its a positive thing. Critically analysing situations for what they are and not holding on to past experiences and what's comfortable. Constantly expanding knowledge and being open to new experiences, it isn't something I would have welcomed previously.
Self-reflections aside, these past 2 weeks have been pretty stressful. O & G is supposedly the busiest run of the year and I'm glad as hell it's over. So many seminars, tutorials and reading to do, clinics to attend and if course that big OSCE at the end (which I just had this morning). I actually surprisingly enjoyed this run very much, despite all the work involved. My team was awesome, the medicine wasn't too complex and the patient contact was really good. If only I didn't get kicked out of gynae clinic so much during pelvic examinations, haha. I think I mentioned something like that in my last post so I'll leave it at that. I do like being kept busy, somehow. Having things to do each day does help with the motivation and is a good cure for procrastination. So long as the work doesn't eat too much into sleeping or self-care activities which I tend to indulge in (cooking and doing chores around the house does give me satisfaction, I admit).

 End of attachment morning tea/breakfast! Fantastic cake!! And yes, those are cornflakes you see over there. No, they're not mine (they belong to the midwives, actually).

 Savouries + cake + fruit. Worked out really well, good job boys.

I just hope the rest of the year goes well. Cos I'm looking forward to earning money as  a TI and having a little responsibility instead of being pushed around all the time at the bottom of the food chain. And hopefully my performance at this morning's OSCE was adequate. If I were religious, I would pray.
btw I got myself a new desk recently. Got sick of having to hurt my wrists to type since my previous desk was too high. I guess I do take pleasure in doing simple things such as optimising my environment. I mean, might was well make yourself comfortable if you're going to spend 4-6 hours a day there, right? I've always wanted to get myself a corner desk. Soooo much space. Tends to get messy real easy though, haha. Since its just too easy to dump stuff there and leave it. First world problems xD

Optimised work environment, oh yeah!
Going to have a relaxed weekend this time. Ice skating tomorrow! =D Excited. haven't been since Vancouver so looking forward to it. I sure hope I can work on my brakes a little at least, since I have a silly habit of building up a lot of speed on the ice then not knowing how to get rid of it (besides crashing into walls, or alternatively, people). Anyhow, I'm just really looking forward to having a day where I can just relax and not have to worry about stuff. On Sunday I'm going to Giapo's chocolate day event in the city since I bought a GrabOne voucher for it. All you can eat chocolate for $15 isn't too bad. Although I can't make as good use of it as some of my friends, heh. I dislike being bloated, and even less so on junk food. It just makes me sick, and what's the point of doing that to yourself when you're out there to have a good time? That's why I don't tend to purchase buffet food.
Off to paediatrics in Waitakere next! I wonder what adventures await me there. I heard it's quite a busy hospital for paeds. Guess I'll find out. For now I'll just take some time to tidy some things up at home. Laundry needs folding and papers on my desk need clearing. This always happens towards assessment days. Paper. Everywhere. Oh well, gives me something to do I guess. Thanks for reading, see you next post ^^ (whenever that is...)

just spent 3 hours listening to o&g tutorials ... guess the topics were kinda important but doesn't help with the boredom =.= I guess I prefer to study these things alone, heh. Oh well, weekend's ahead, hope I can get some things done then.

This morning I tagged along with the Level 3 Neonatal paeds on their ward round. Standing around while listening to people talk stuff you've never heard before wasn't very educational. And it's hard for me to intrude and ask lots of questions when you're in the context of a team of very busy doctors trying to manage some very sick patients. I don't know what kind of educational experience the uni thinks they want me to gain from that but it doesn't seem like it's a very realistic expectation whatever it is. Anyhow I think I'll go off and eat something before this afternoon's O&G tutorials. Weekend's just around the corner, at last.

It doesn't feel like 3 weeks have passed since my last post. Medicine's been so full-on I haven't had the chance to stop and reflect on things like I usually do. Over the past few weeks I've been sinking into the routine of - 1. Wake up 2. Eat breakfast 3. Go to the hospital 4. Come back from hospital 5. Study 6. Dinner 7. Study 8. Skype mikorikawa 9. Sleep. Not that I have problem with routine, I actually quite enjoy having things in order and knowing what to expect during the day. It's just some moments when I realise I've been doing the same damn thing every single day for the past few weeks that I question whether this is really okay with me. There are weekends, of course. But those are for catching up on study and doing those bloody case histories we're supposed to hand in every week. Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into when I signed up for medicine. Makes me wonder why so many people want to do it when you have to give up so much. I'm definitely not ambitious. Turns out that most people who do medicine are. You have to push for what you want if you want to succeed in any career, now that I think about it. And medicine is no different.

I suppose it's about time I wrote something here, since it's been about 2 months since my last post and circumstances have prevented me from keeping this thing updated.