lunar.soliloquy

I've played all the cards I've wanted to and revealed my hand. Trying to get anywhere by playing with your cards concealed just makes things complicated and stressful, and unlike Mahjong, you don't get any extra points for it. I spent a great deal of yesterday pondering over whether that was the right thing to do, since I thought I'd handle it, whatever the outcome. I guess I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, since if I really was that resilient of a person I wouldn't have had any second thoughts about my actions. If only I believed in myself a bit more, trusted in my abilities more, and left the rest to the forces of the universe, I would feel more comfortable about doing such things. I guess I'm still learning.

Today I told myself I wouldn't think anything more of it and get on with life as I'm meant to. I don't want to get my hopes up for anything that's not going to happen. Man, I really need to get a grip. I can't lose focus, gotta stay on track. I've been so preoccupied with this that I haven't had a chance to address other things on my agenda that need addressing. Like which teaching hospital I want to go to next year for Year 5. And study. And vacuuming, and cooking. I really do need to move on from these fragile ambitions.