just spent 3 hours listening to o&g tutorials ... guess the topics were kinda important but doesn't help with the boredom =.= I guess I prefer to study these things alone, heh. Oh well, weekend's ahead, hope I can get some things done then.
This morning I tagged along with the Level 3 Neonatal paeds on their ward round. Standing around while listening to people talk stuff you've never heard before wasn't very educational. And it's hard for me to intrude and ask lots of questions when you're in the context of a team of very busy doctors trying to manage some very sick patients. I don't know what kind of educational experience the uni thinks they want me to gain from that but it doesn't seem like it's a very realistic expectation whatever it is. Anyhow I think I'll go off and eat something before this afternoon's O&G tutorials. Weekend's just around the corner, at last.
*throws revives, phoenix downs, defibrillators, 1-ups and zelda fairies at blog*
There, that should do it. Game references aside, this blog HAS been dead. I guess I shoulda made a better effort to keep it going while I was overseas but I guess I was on holiday mode, haha. And holiday mode = super lazy = no posts. It's funny how that works cos as soon as I got back to Auckland I was put into full-on work mode and that was that. I'm not very good at keeping my life in balance as you might have already figured out. I guess this year I want to take my studies more seriously than I have been (isn't that what I said last year? -__-). I wonder how I'll go this year. Hopefully I get to earn money next year $_$. Definitely a good motivation to pass this year, uhoho.
Vancouver was good. I guess the highlight of the city for me was the shopping ^^;. Stuff in NZ is pretty expensive. For example, it's not uncommon to see jeans priced at "2 for $100" and that's their special price. And half the time they don't even have my size (28) and even if they do they don't necessarily fit cos sizes here seem to be bigger for some reason. And not often do NZ shops have the styles I like, either. Not that I'm super fashion conscious but I don't think it's a crime to want to wear stuff you actually like. In Canada and the States it's easy to find jeans for like $25-$30 and even after conversion the prices are still really good. And they actually cater for my size and styles, too ^^. I guess I wouldn't go there just for shopping since the plane ticket there would be $2500-$3000 return, but if you're going there anyway, why not take advantage of the situation? Heh.
At the mall! Whee~
Daiso! And its $2! (not $3.50, what a rip...)
In terms of sight-seeing I don't think I've seen a lot of Vancouver's touristy places. We did go to the aquarium and Gastown (an old-town style area of the city which is pretty much half a tourist trap with Canadian gift shops everywhere) but apart from that we didn't go much elsewhere. Not unless you count Science World but that's mostly for kids so I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to. Catching up with family was nice too I guess, but it didn't seem to be the same as when I was a kid and played with the other kids and got spoiled by all the aunts and uncles.
Gastown. Forgot how it got its name...
Going to Hawaii was a nice experience. I wouldn't say it's the way I would normally spend a holiday since I guess I'm more like an indoors person, heh. Not to mention I would have the funds to afford that kind of holiday in the first place if I were to go on my own. The family time did have some value I suppose since I don't really get to spend time with my parents and even less with my aunt, uncle and grandma. It was nice to be able to see a part of the world you would never really get to see under normal circumstances. Hawaii is very much a tourist place. Especially Oahu. Man, that Waikiki place is such as tourist trap, its so silly. Everyone there is either a tourist or a person working in the tourism industry. And the markets are full of pushy salespeople who keep trying to sell you things you don't want. And when you try and walk away they'll like lower the price by a few dollars and expect you to buy it. Then if you till don't buy from them they act hurt and ask if it's too expensive for you or some shit. There are no supermarkets or anything like that either, so if you're hungry you either pick up some overpriced groceries from these hybrid dairy/tourist shop places called ABC stores which are located at a frequency of one per block (ABC = all blocks covered) or fork out $20 and go to one of the many restaurants there. To be honest, I didn't feel too comfortable there and I don't think my family was either, given we're kinda conservative when it comes to things like food. We went on a lot of tours, visited the cultural museum (they had a NZ section lololol) and Pearl Harbour.
A sea turtle! Now you don't see those in the wild every day.
Pearl Harbour~
Part of Pearl Harbour is still an active military base...
R.I.P. USS Arizona
I liked Kona a lot better. The accommodation was really nice, probably the nicest place I've stayed. And the whole environment was a much more relaxed, even though it's still a touristy place. We rented a car there and drove around for most of our time there. I guess a lot of the scenery did remind me a bit of New Zealand in some ways. A lot of empty space. Lots of beautiful views of the ocean and really spectacular sunsets during the evening. I guess for people who lived in the city for all their lives that kind of change in scenery is something you'll only ever get once in a while. For me, the city is still my place. I can't seem to appreciate nice views and scenery as much as other people do. Perhaps I don't see the value in such temporary experiences. I do like taking photos of stuff though, eheh.
Kona airport! Everything is outdoors. How cool is that? =P
^^
Sunset at Kona
Back to the real world...
I'm currently 4 weeks into my O&G attachment and it's busy as hell. Luckily I got a nice team that's pretty chill and lets us do heaps of stuff but the expectations from the uni are ridiculous. I'm talking about night shifts and weekends in particular (I wouldn't mind if I was being paid but we're NOT - we're PAYING to stay up 12 hours at night and do 24 hours during the weekend. Where's the logic in that?). And the fact that the uni can't get it's act together enough to realise that they scheduled two people to do the same Neopaeds seminar topic and made me do a THIRD seminar one to make up for the topic that got missed cos they fail in organising their shit. And more silly logbooks. Faar. So annoying. Apart from those small gripes I think O&G is actually a pretty nice run. The ward rounds are nice and short which gives you some time to do things in the morning and the clinics are good with lots of patients to see every week (although our team does have a lot of students which limits the learning opportunities somewhat). Unfortunately I do tend to get kicked out of gynae examinations half the time but that's to be expected of humans.
I finished presenting my second seminar and doing this week's web teaching today which is why I'm feeling a little more relaxed about things at the moment, especially with the weekend coming up. I still have that (totally unecessary and stupid) third seminar to get onto and OSCE stuff to prepare, but if I just focus on those over the next 2 weeks I think I'll be able to finish this run comfortably. Ah, I don't know why I chose to start 5th year with the 2 most difficult runs, oh god paeds is next ><
Anyhow I've spent far too much time writing this. I need to really catch up on sleep, gotta go for neonatal intensive care ward round tomorrow morning. Thanks for reading~
I really need to find something better to do with my time these days. I know holidays are meant to be relaxing but somehow lazing around at home on the wii and computer doesn't quite satisfy me like it used to. I mean, I've been spending a lot of time with mikorikawa which has been really good, but its just finding things to do when I'm not with her is the problem. Maybe I'm beginning to realise how precious time is and feeling like I should be doing something more productive. Or at least enjoyable. Zelda is beginning to lose its appeal. Just as well, I'm almost at the end of the main story. I'd probably be finished with it now if it weren't for all those little side-quests. Damn that perfectionist attitude, that desire to collect all those little heart pieces even though having one or two extra hearts at the end of the game means fuck all.
Going to Vancouver next Saturday. I guess I'm pretty excited about that. Although not as excited as I should be. I duno, I've just been in a weird mood lately. Maybe spending too much time at home and getting cabin fever. Just seem to have lost that enthusiasm for life in general. I don't know what it is. Maybe just having another one of those days. I didn't think my mood fluctuated that much still. Meh, maybe I just need to find some better things to spend my time with. Guess catching up on sleep is a good start. Hope mikorikawa comes online soon, its nearly my bed time and we still haven't talked yet.
And here's yet another post after a long long hiatus from blogger =[ I really should just be honest with myself and make this like a monthly thing since every time I find the time and motivation to start up again it really never lasts very long. I don't even remember what my last post was on here since I couldn't be bothered looking back cuz the internet is so damn slow today thanks to Kat downloading Diablo 3 (since she got access to the beta) and its taking forever to load stuff. So I'm just going to say what's been happening in recent times.
I guess the biggest thing is that I'm done with uni for the year. Heh, the very appearance of this post probably explained that already. 4th year was pretty heavy. The workload does fluctuate throughout the year though, but the amount of hours spent doing uni-related stuff this year far exceeds that of previous years by miles. You pretty much have 40 hour weeks during the busier runs and on top of that you have your study, assignments, presentations, OSCEs and all that jazz. Then you have exams. It was such an intense year that suddenly having all this free time now feels surreal. I remember how anhedonic I became during those last few days before the final exam. I got to the stage where I just didn't care any more. Pass, borderline pass, fail...didn't seem to matter anymore. I just wanted it to end. I felt like I wasn't able to enjoy anything. Even after the exam, the feeling still lingered. I can't remember the last time I felt so low. Depressing, I know. But those feelings were real.
Its interesting what stress does to you. I mean, I really don't want to fail this year. It would be terrible, having all the blood, sweat and tears be shed in vain; the outcome would be the same as if you simply hadn't tried at all, or went on a vacation or something. Having to go through that shit again would be so damn annoying. I suppose it would be easier the second time around but its still a lot of hours. Not to mention the social stigma of being held back. I don't usually care about that sort of stuff, but its one thing I could certainly do without. I'm just hoping I did well enough to pass. Exam B was hard. So many obscure and specific questions. It's still difficult for me to relax until I see that green light. I know I can't do anything about it so I'm trying to distract myself with games and hobbies in the meantime. Oh man, I fucking don't want to fail.
On a lighter note, vacation time means I get to spend more time with mikorikawa! <3 YAY. It's so great being to hang out with her without the ominous awareness of the amount of study that's lurking in the background needing to be done. I only have 3 weeks in Auckland before I head off to Canada so I really want to make the most of it. Sometimes I feel guilty for not having as much time for her as I should, and sometimes I wish we could have met under different circumstances. Ah well, some things can't be helped. Just means that every moment with her is that more precious. Here are some photos ^^
Hanging at the domain on a sunny day
The Sushi Room: Before
The Sushi Room: After
Armageddon! =D
Snow Ice~*
Ah, I feel so lucky to have such an awesome girlfriend.
So today I spent the morning trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my DVD writer. Turns out that those Sandy Bridge motherboards made by Gigabyte have faulty SATA2 ports. It took me forever to figure that out, it was so annoying. At first I thought it was the writer itself that was malfunctioning but then I realised I'd recently installed a new 2TB internal HDD and shifted the DVD drive cable to a different port. So that means I have to drop my computer in to get repaired...zZz...why do I have such bad luck with computer parts :S I think that's the 3rd part that's failed on me so far.
Tried to draw a bit today too. Key word being -tried-. Sometimes I wish I took up more constructive hobbies during my youth instead of just playing games and reading books. I guess I did learn piano. Although that skill is pretty much gone through years of neglect. Just seeing what others can do inspires me sometimes. Although often I never put in enough work or practice to ever get to the level of the people I get inspired by, heh. Guess its my general lack of motivation holding me back again. Perhaps I need to find out ways to motivate myself, so maybe I'll actually get somewhere in life. Meh, sometimes I just like being indifferent. I don't get excited or amused very easily. I know I probably come across as a boring, uninteresting person to most people. And I can live with that. I don't mind being alone too much anyway, it can be peaceful.
For those of you in the tl;dr camp: There isn't much interesting content in this post. Your life won't be any better from reading this so go back to living your life. No offense taken.
Another month gone, and only 2 months before finals. That's pretty damn scary. I told myself I wouldn't fail anything this year, and I want to keep that promise to myself. I think those 9 weeks in Rotorua gave me a lot of self-reflection time to think about my life and what's important to me in this world. I realise that up til now I've really been skimming the surface of medicine and not truly engaging in it as well as I should have been. My lack of knowledge during many of my clinical attachments supports this. If only I took things a little more seriously maybe I wouldn't have to feel like this. But the past can't be changed, as I keep telling myself indefinitely. I did have a lot of fun earlier on this year, though. Hanging with kuroi_rose and the anime club, playing mtg and starcraft with the engineering group, and of course, cruising around Auckland with Pochama, Kurosei and Mikorikawa...I do miss doing all those things. *sigh*, priorities.
That isn't to say I haven't been having any fun lately, although 2 weeks of campus learning was a bit of a drag, I must say. I had my 21st birthday gathering last Friday which was a great night. It was really good seeing everybody after being away in Rotorua for so long, and made me appreciate what awesome people I have in my life. Although it was a pretty tiring night for me. At least all 25 people managed to fit in my apartment. It was also the first time since Mikorikawa and I were introduced to everyone as a couple. It was a new experience, being together in front of so many people. We also attended ice-skating yesterday together with friends. Going out with friends feels different now that I have Mikorikawa. I guess a lot of my attention is focused on her whereas before I'd go out of my way more to catch up with everyone else. Especially since she doesn't know many of my friends. It's sorta the same when I hang out with her friends, too, I feel. I don't want to distance myself from my friends just because I'm dating now, but sometimes I can't help it. I guess its one of those challenges that comes with being in a relationship.
At the moment I only have two things on my mind: study and spending time with Mikorikawa. Everything else seems unimportant. It's ridiculous to have such a one-tracked mind (or should I say, two-tracked) but I can't help but feel this way. I even feel like I'm wasting time writing this blog but I've been feeling so tired today from consecutive nights of poor sleep that nothing's going in. I don't know why but for some reason I've been getting real lousy sleep these past nights since coming back from Rotorua. Perhaps I should invest in some sleeping medications. It's getting to the point that entire days are going by with me feeling like rubbish throughout whereas usually I just lose the morning if I don't sleep well. Even taking a 2 hour nap didn't help. So annoying, having poor sleep ruin your day. Wish I could sleep like I could before. Enough ranting, I should probably stop wasting time and get on with something productive now.
Mikorikawa and I <3
It doesn't feel like 3 weeks have passed since my last post. Medicine's been so full-on I haven't had the chance to stop and reflect on things like I usually do. Over the past few weeks I've been sinking into the routine of - 1. Wake up 2. Eat breakfast 3. Go to the hospital 4. Come back from hospital 5. Study 6. Dinner 7. Study 8. Skype mikorikawa 9. Sleep. Not that I have problem with routine, I actually quite enjoy having things in order and knowing what to expect during the day. It's just some moments when I realise I've been doing the same damn thing every single day for the past few weeks that I question whether this is really okay with me. There are weekends, of course. But those are for catching up on study and doing those bloody case histories we're supposed to hand in every week. Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into when I signed up for medicine. Makes me wonder why so many people want to do it when you have to give up so much. I'm definitely not ambitious. Turns out that most people who do medicine are. You have to push for what you want if you want to succeed in any career, now that I think about it. And medicine is no different.
Doing med certainly makes you grow up very quickly, even if you don't want to. Especially once you get to 4th year and beyond. You're forced to go out into foreign parts of the country on your own and arrange everything for yourself on top of all the study you're meant to keep up with. Don't have a car? Don't have a licence? Too bad. You're supposed to have those by now. Never left your parental home? Well now is the time to. I guess by the age of 21 most people would be able to do those things. And it turns out a lot of people do enjoy that aspect of getting out there and doing things. But unfortunately I'm not like most people. I do like sticking to what's familiar if I can help it.
I guess I've come to accept that I can no longer keep up with those time-consuming hobbies I used to enjoy so much. Watching anime and tv series, reading manga, playing games, MTG drafting ... I guess those things don't get you anywhere in the long run. Although I probably could do some of those things if I made time. I'd just have to make sure I didn't get carried away with doing those activities. Which is easy to do. Especially anime. I haven't even had time to blog recently but that's something I don't want to give up. It's really good to look back and reflect on things that have happened and the thoughts you had at the time. Before I used to blog to get stuff out of my head but that was back when I had too much time on my hands and thought about stuff more than I should have been. Nevertheless, I want to keep this blog going, whatever the reason. I just like it.
Anyhow I should probably get on with doing some things tonight. Even though its a Friday night and I don't usually get much done on days like this I should probably make an effort.
About Me
- Lunatarius
- Hi, I'm Jeff! Welcome to my blog, where I share random thoughts and things about my life. Enjoy :)