Life has been quite good to me over the past week and a half since I last posted. I won't say exactly why, but let's just say things are going really nicely ^^. My apologies for being so vague about this matter, since this is a public blog I'd rather not delve into the details in case this is read by certain individuals. Not that I'm keeping any secrets, but some things are best left unsaid until the appropriate time.

Emergency run was great. I could've spent another month in ED, it's such a shame its only two weeks. There were a lot of things I liked about the run, besides the comparitively light shift hours and the nice cruisy assessment criteria. As I said in my last post, being able to actually do stuff has been really awesome instead of standing around feeling lost and bored. I even spent quite a lot of time hanging out with the nurses and nursing students and found I learned things I wouldn't have learned if I hung with my consultant or registrar all the time. All this practical hospital stuff you just never learn at med school. Like how to work a hospital bed. How to hook a patient up to the monitoring unit. What to do if a patient needs to use the toilet. I guess it's all nursing stuff but it's still good to know these things. I feel that in the hospitals there's quite a bit of overlap between nursing and medical care since I'm seeing nurses doing a lot of the stuff that the doctors do on the ward. Half the time the procedures I'm trying to observe have already been done by the nurses but they're usually really awesome in letting me do stuff even though I'm not a nursing student.

Campus learning week has been dreadfully busy. Initially I was looking forward to the opportunity to sit in lectures again among my peers but the amount of content they've crammed into this one and a half weeks has been insane. Seven hours of lectures a day, 8:30 to 5:30 ... it gets to you after a while. You'd think I'd be used to this treatment by now but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case. Not that it's likely to change in the future, especially when I start working as a house officer (assuming I get to that stage, but hey I'm trying not to be pessimistic here). What can I say, I'm really looking forward to the long weekend. Pochama will be working over the long weekend unfortunately, but I have other things planned ^^. Nee-san is going to be in Rotorua over the weekend; I specifically decided not to go since I'll be there for locomotor soon anyway. Not that there's much for me to go back to down there, anyway. There are things about Rotorua I don't want to remember, and I reckon minimising my contact with that place will help me move on. No offense to friends and family I have who still live there. There isn't anything wrong with the place, its just that the memories of what life was before I came to Auckland hurts too much for me to bear. I don't want to dwell on those feelings, that's why I don't want to relive negative experiences that I can no longer do anything about. For the same reason, I feel hurt when I shouldn't when certain events of the past are brought up. I can't do anything but accept it as part of who I am, despite how much hate it brings up in me.

Pokemon themed party last Saturday was fun. It's scary to believe that there are people who exist in this country who are more crazy about pokemon than I am. It was a bittersweet occasion for me, in many respects. There's always unfulfilled wishes eating away at me and that night I felt them stronger than ever. As if the past can be changed. As if things would be different if I'd done things differently five or so years ago. As if I would be a different person from who I am now. I try to avoid it but avoidance only makes the feelings stronger the next time they're triggered. Perhaps I should seek counselling of some sort. I don't know why these regrets are so strong. I just wish I had the answers to why I feel this way, even though I know I can't change what's foregone. I've accepted that life isn't fair. I guess part of me still clings to ideals that would exist in a fair and just world, for some bizzare reason.

On Sunday I went with misty_angel26's gang to SnowPlanet; little mikorikawa came along too ^^. The day went by so fast, I couldn't believe we'd spent 9 hours at the venue, 7 of which were on the snow. I was surprised at how quickly mikorikawa picked up skiing, despite my crap teaching skills. I guess it goes to show that it's the student's effort and capability that determines success, and they deserve the credit for their achievements. I've been through 7 years of teaching at a rubbish school to realise that some teachers are so bad that you learn things faster without their "help". Having a good teacher makes life a lot easier, though, and I wish I was better at explaining things to people. Sunday was a great day, 'twas a shame my world came crashing down shortly after when I'd thought I'd lost my ipod there, so glad that it's safe. I don't know why I fret so much about small things like that, I shouldn't let it ruin my good mood so easily.

I've actually written this entry over the course of a few days since I couldn't find a single block of time to write all this in one go. I think the stuff in here isn't outdated already since nothing really much happens during campus learning week besides lectures. Oh, Pochama and I stuck cannulae in each other today, if that's anything to mention. Got one more day to go before the weekend, and I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel already. It's 11pm and getting late, I think I'll finish up here and hit the sack.

Euphoric Field

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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

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Hi, I'm Jeff! Welcome to my blog, where I share random thoughts and things about my life. Enjoy :)