lunar.soliloquy

So here I am procrastinating yet again. Despite assignments being out of the way there's always exam prep and I think I only have 3.5 weeks to go before my first exam. Not to mention OSCEs before that. Argh, what the hell am I doing? Sometimes things seem so complicated yet the answer is so simple: just go the hell and study. Guess I'm in one of those moods again. Sigh. And this is after 3 games of SC2 today (got into platinum league for 2v2 and 3v3 not that things like that matter), a trip to the supermarket (was a nice day for it) and an hour spent in the kitchen cooking up some tasty food. If that's not enough to put me in a studying mood then I don't know what is. Maybe I should go to the gym or something, not that I haven't done enough walking today already. Sooo anti-study at the moment. Btw the title of the post doesn't have anything to do with this post it's just a phrase that I picked off one of the songs i was listening to earlier.

So what the hell am I going to do now? I don't like to think that SC2ing the night away like a hopeless addict was an option I was considering but hell, that's the way it is. Part of me was semi-interested in that AUMSA writing competition but as you can tell I'm not feeling so creative either so that's out of the question. Sometimes I question whether medicine is the right career for me. Part of me feels that I don't have the personality to do it despite the fact that I could make the grades and UMAT and whatnot. The fact that I still find bloody games like SC2 so much fun worries me. Shouldn't the thought of all that goddamn money I'll make as a doctor excite and motivate me to study? Shouldn't the prospects of prestige and wealth drive me? Shouldn't I be looking forward to helping my future patients get the best out of life from what medicine has to offer? What the hell, if all I wanted was a stable-ish job why in the name of all good things did I have to go pick med? I guess I don't give a damn about some things that I should be. What do I want in life, what am I prepared to do to get those things. I spent all my life avoiding questions such as these but I'm thinking they're catching up to me and catching up fast. Guess I spent more time in virtual worlds during my youth than I should have. Ah well, what can you do. I don't want to have to live through these regrets again, so I guess that in itself should be motivation to study. Damn you video games, why do you have to be so much fun...