lunar.soliloquy

Another day on the job. I really need to get more sleep. I keep running low on energy towards the end of the day and it feels shit not being productive at night since that's the only time I got during weekdays, really. Trying to keep the exercise up too. I can't seem to DDR for more than 30 minutes at any one time and that's not even on the hard difficulties. And I feel like I'm probably gaining weight too from all this sedentary activity called study. Feel like I'm in a ditch and the only way out is to dig deeper until I get to the other side. But I do want to get through this year. Even if I have to go through Hell and back.

Tired of study and wanting escape. But my conscience has chained me to my desk and won't let go. No, I've come too far to let go. Stupid MCQ test that's "formative" but which you "must pass in order to complete the run". I hate being controlled by the heartless and sadistic people who run the medical programme. They should go to hell for what they put us through. Every single one of them. Just because they know that medicine is a highly sought degree doesn't mean that they can give us last minute timetables (or even timetables scheduled for dates that have already gone) and stapled scrap paper for notes and all the other shit they put us through just because they have the power. No wonder all the med students are flocking overseas. I don't blame them. Anyway that's enough rage for one night. Back to the books. I just needed to let off some steam.

Edit: This fucking urology book is full of bloody grammar errors too. Fuck you med school. We're not even worthy of a simple MS Word spellcheck, are we?

Feeling tired this evening. Stupid urology case history took all of my energy. I don't know why, but it did. I actually prefer studying material rather than doing assignments. Assignments are horrible things because you can spend as little or as much time on them as you want, and I always end up wasting too much time on them. Anyway, its done, so one less thing to worry about.

In other news, I've decided to try working on my fitness a little more than I have been and pushing the DDR for 30 minutes a day. I recently did a self-assessment of fitness using some online tool thingy and apparently I'm below average for my age and gender. I hate being unfit. It's probably not noticeable now but later on I know my lack of fitness will come and bite me in the back.

Nothing else to really say here. Going to try and study some more tonight. Oh, the joy.

A day to myself today. Spent some time with parents yesterday since they were up to visit again. Feels good to have time to myself again. Although my feelings in general seem to have dulled in intensity, which is probably a good thing. Emotions aren't too important if they're not going to be positive ones. For now I'm probably better off without them. I realise this is probably sounding real emo at the moment (or whatever it's known as in mainstream media) but I don't care. Whatever gets the job done, I say.

Otolaryngology last week, urology tomorrow. I'm not having high expectations for these short surgical rotations. Everyone's so busy and I don't really learn a lot from attending theatre or clinics. I'm better off reading stuff so shit actually makes sense. I don't really understand what there is to learn by being around this level of subspecialty since all we need to know really is the common GP style stuff. Who am I to complain, so long as I get through it I'll keep quiet for now.

There really isn't much else to say at the moment. Exams are drawing near. Interest in life is compromised in exchange for the necessary preparation. 'nuff said. Stop complaining and keep working.

It's 6:50pm and feeling pretty darn tired. Been on the otolaryngology scene from 7:30am to 4:45pm and feeling too tired to study, yet determined to stay away from the Diablo 3 and other time-wasting activities tonight. So here I am on Blogger again. I don't think that blogging is a particularly good use of my time but I somehow feel that it's more productive than levelling up my Demon Hunter to level 60. To be honest I'm feeling quite indifferent to life at this very moment. Apathy, I think they call it. Probably just because I'm tired and need rest. I doubt that this feeling (or rather, lack thereof) will last, since I've had it before and it usually doesn't hang around for long. Just this lack of interest in anything at this very moment. Perhaps it's since I'm feeling the pressure of exams creep up on me and its a protective mechanism for me not to start stressing, since that's what I used to do. It really isn't such a bad feeling, apathy. I think I mentioned something similar to it in my last blog post.

So what's there to blog about tonight. Hmm. I guess I could share some photos.

Fat and sugar content of common foods taken from the diabetes dietician's office. *likes*

Troll rubbish bin @ Albert park.

Skin prick testing for fun. Apparently I'm allergic to dust mites, grass pollen and cat. Yay for atopy.

Taken today at the ORL tearoom. It's pretty empty.

Well that's about it for today. I should take more photos of stuff like a true Asian so I've got actually got stuff to post on this dry empty blog.